The Torrent
by Ultimanium
Summary: Isle Delfino is indefinately slammed by tropical storms. Why? We'll probably never know. Quite possibly the most pointless thing you'll ever read.


THE TORRENT  
By Ultimanium  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Our story begins in the tropical islands of the east, where the proximity to sea level lends a moisture-heavy air to the atmosphere. The sun shines, the ocean glistens, and a pair of arguing Piantas sails by on an overturned patio table as a giant tsunami crests the horizon. The seagulls chirp with deli- *FWOOSH*  
  
Delfino Plaza was given four seconds of grace before being buried in a watery grave, which was enough time for any other wandering Piantas to mutter in disgust and climb up onto the nearest rooftop to dodge the incoming wall of water. In the following two seconds, the water level rose fifty feet along the entire coastline of Delfino, quickly dwarfing the chateau-like Hotel Delfino several miles away and quite literally providing its inhabitants with active waterbeds. Near the top floor, a smaller bed floated out the window with Mario sawing logs on it, shortly before he was viciously rammed by a small cargo ship.  
  
Meanwhile, back in Delfino, things had begun to come under control. Everybody glanced over as a long, uprooted pole floated down the market avenue, with a large loudspeaker at its tip.  
  
"This is an announcment of the Delfino Emergency Broadcast System. Leading experts have come to the conclusion that a large tidal wave has came in contact with Isle Delphino, and a large flood may result from the flooding. Citizens are hereby advised to fall back to their rooftops and wait for the torrent to subside. Our estimates indicate this will happen in a mere week. Keep in mind that emergency rations have been used to purchase a large useless obelisk that will remain in the center of our town and dwarf our previously purchased large useless obelisk."  
  
Everyone cheered.  
  
"As for liquid nourishment, our reports indicate that the salt water has been diluted slightly by the tidal wave and consumption of it should provide minimized side-effects."  
  
The loudspeaker sparked before shorting out. The inhabitants of Delfino looked out over their destroyed home, almost entirely replaced with a solid sparkling field of water. The formation of a temporary Blitzball league was contemplated, but was soon rejected by the author.  
  
As the Piantas mourned the loss of a possible Blitzball league, one leapt up. "Let's play water polo!!"  
  
His announcement was greeted with grunts of agreement, and before you could say "water polo is lame", a third of the population of Isle Delfino was deep into a lengthly match, neglecting their nutrional requirements and their hygeine for its duration. While the Piantas are all out having fun, how about we take a look into the cause of this great catastrophe, shall we?.... IT WAS ME!! HAR!!! Okay, let's see how they're doing now.  
  
Okay, since this big wave came out of my imagination and slaughtered everyone before they could raise their hands in protest, it would be safe to assume that the Shine Sprites are obviously NOT actively protecting the island, either some massively evil force has taken control of the infinite power that is Power-Star-like apparatuses, or the Sprites are off doing whatever the hell they do in their off time, whichever illegal drugs that may adher to. All the Piantas know is that they aren't glowing, and that's sort of a bad thing.  
  
Recovery of Delfino's tourism industry needed to be as fast as possible. That meant recovering the energy of the Shine Sprites so Isle Delphino's tropical temperatures would return and everything would be un-wet? No, it was meant to recover the energy of the Shine Sprites so they would resume being big and shiny and any planes/boats passing by the island chain would notice their extreme shiny-ness and gradually be drug kicking and screaming in. The first plan was initiated by a very challenged individual, who lobbed a very long jumper cable over the Shine Gate where the Shine Sprites were stored and attempted to charge it back up. Unfortunately he only succeeded in charging the tower because it, as well as every other landmark on Isle Delfino, was undeniably wet.  
  
*ZORCH*  
  
As the charred/wet residents of Delfino began to theorize some possible method for getting the Sprites' attention asides from an electric source, one philosophical Pianta raised his finger in triumph - about the same time a lightning bolt struck the Shine Gate.  
  
*ZORCH*  
  
The author appeared out of nowhere - and just laughed at the chaos. And was struck by a lightning bolt.  
  
*ZORCH*  
  
And we should all know where that shock went to AFTER.  
  
*ZORCH*  
*ZORCH*  
*ZORCH*  
  
As soon as the author was exiled, things began to slow down, and the *ZORCH*ing ceased. It was soon confirmed by the Delfino Plaza Council, whoever the hell that was, that any future *ZORCH*ings would be strictly prohibited and no one would screw around with the Shine Sprites unless they actually knew what they were doing. Needless to say, activity ceased, and it was after a week and many scurvy-related mishaps that life on Isle Delfino returned to its usual two-day period of silence before being slammed with some other variation of hurricane.  
  
What is the moral of this story? If anything goes funny with Power-Star-like apparatuses, just wake up Mario, damn it. God, he's probably floating in the middle of the ocean unconscious right now, just because you didn't ask him to fix your freaking Shine Gate in the first place. You people disgust me.   
  
  
*eerie Mario cry of rage* 


End file.
